Today, Kevin, my supervisor left for Tijuana. The mission has a "house" there, called the TJ House (Tijuana House), and kids from the orphanage here can go there and attend college in Tijuana. He went up to stay there for three days and check out the computer situation. Then, he's going to come back here on Wednesday and assess what we need to do there, and on the 26th, we're both heading up and staying at the TJ House for a week to do a big renovation project on their computers. Yes, I am fully aware that in 2008, 6000 people were killed in Tijuana alone. But what most people don't know, and that the media don't tell them, is that the vast majority of those deaths have been gang and drug related deaths, hence the "drug war." They're not going after tourists...although, I guess after being here this long, I can hardly call myself a tourist...but they don't know any better by looking at me. Anywho, tourists are at far less risk than citizens, cause well, we're not exactly participating in their drug war, are we? Not so much..unless you still don't know about my side business. In that case, I guess I am at risk. Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't go. No, just kidding. I know there are some of you who will actually believe me if I said that...so no, not true. But anywho, I'm hoping to have my video camera by then...(but probably won't), so I'll try and get some footage if I can. Anywho, I'm pretty excited to go...I haven't been to the TJ House yet, and I hear it's pretty cool. And recently the family living there moved out, and Jorge and Gina (who used to work here) moved up there to take their place. And they're uber cool, as well as their two sons, so I'm looking forward to it. Deborah said there are between 10-20 college age kids staying their at any given time, so what's not to like. So many kids my age. And finally some guys to hang out with! (Hahahah...just kidding Kelcie/Deborah. You know you'd go crazy if you didn't have another girl for 6 months)
Anywho, yep, that's my plan in a couple weeks. This Friday (the 17th), I'm leaving at 6am to go play in a soccer tournament in Ensenada with the House 7 boys and some of our friends from town. I hope we get back in time to get the Friday blog in. I know I'll have lots to say. We're playing in a stadium with grass and everything. Haven't done that since high school, back in the days when we were really good (0-14-2). good thing I brought my cleats though, I'll finally get to really use them for realsies.
Ok, so Saturday, I donwloaded an episode of How Stuff Works, the Discovery channel show that well...explains how things work. This particular episode was was highlighting anatomical models, tortilla chips, spark plugs, jukeboxes. I watched it Sunday afternoon, with a special interest int eh tortilla chips and jukeboxes. Tortilla chips just seemed interesting cause it's food we eat, and it's mass produced on a ridiculous, and they still seem to get every chip perfect (and every bag half filled). I think they must have all their scales programmed wrong or something. "Hey, I know it says "There's a crunch in every bag" on the front, but it really only means "There's half as much crunch as there appears to be," so set this scale to stop filling the bag at "angry customer" instead of "satisfied and returning customer."
That wasn't even the issue though. the tortilla chip segment was actually quite interesting. Learned lots. It's the jukebox I had a huge problem with. In the pre-show example, that little 10 second clip showing what they were looking at in this episode, it showed this wicked sweet mechanical arm going around grabbing CDs and neatly placing them in the optical drive to be read and played. I was getting all pumped up about seeing how this machine works, picking out the user-selected song from it's library of hundred's of CDs, and playing it within like 10 seconds or whatever. That's cool right? Apparently not to the Discovery Channel. It started out like this:
1. Queue the replay of said 10 second clip featuring the CD-based jukebox.
2. Play said clip with voice overlay saying, "this is how jukeboxes used to be."
3. Change clips, and say, "but this is how they work nowadays, in more modern times. We don't have time on this show to explain things that went out of style last week."
4. Start playing video about modern jukeboxes...which, surprise surprise, run on MP3s.
5. This 10 minute clip (yes, they managed to get 10 full minutes of footage out of building a MP3 jukebox) consisted of about 10 modular parts, and lots of screws.
6. Ever want to build your own jukebox? Easy. Just follow the Discovery Channel's example, like this:
7. Start off by making the glass faceplate with that spare window you have sitting out back. And while you're back there, take that pinball machine apart and use that cardboard/plastic as the border to go around your glass window. Screw those together.
8. That old refrigerator that you don't use anymore can be used to house all the components, and you can cut a hole in the top part of it where you'll insert your screen and faceplate. Screw your faceplate into the square hole you cut.
9. Clean out your fridge. If necessary, leave it open for 10 or more days to get that oyster smell out of it. After 12 days, give up. It's not going anywhere. And you knew that.
10. Grab the computer your brother-in-law picked up for you at the dump and use that as your server to hold all your MP3 files. Screw that in on the bottom of your fridge.
11. Those speakers in your living room that your wife specifically said you didn't need and shouldn't buy will work perfectly for audio output. Place them standing upright next to the screen. Screw them in.
12. You're also going to need that old power supply that you stole from office computer right before your boss declared a company-wide computer upgrade. Screw that in.
13. That transformer that you never noticed sitting in your garage when you bought the house from the previous owner is a perfect match for the job. Hook that up between the computer and the power supply, and connect all necessary cables. We know you have them. Finally, screw that in.
14. Do you remember awhile back when you went to borrow a few eggs from your neighbor (after preparing everything for omelets, only to realize you don't have any eggs), discovered he wasn't home, and walked out with his audio mixer from his recording studio? Yes, you told him you didn't have it, and didn't seen anyone go in his house that day, but for the purposes here, there's nothing better. This project calls for that audio mixer, and it can go right beside the power supply. Connect to transformer and computer, again, with the necessary cables we know you've been stocking up. Lastly, screw that in.
15. The brand new router your bought for your son and his family...well, yep, you guessed it, son never saw it, son never got it. Son never knew it, son won't use it. Jukebox....or son.....JUKEBOX! Install that near the top, as to get better reception, and hey, guess what??? Screw that in!!
16. The only other thing we need is a cash machine/bill reader/change machine. Hmmm. Wait! Good thing you saved all those parts from your days of working as a Coke vending-machine repairer. Oh, the days of college. Get that old cash reader out of that machine you have in your garage and install that in the ice dispenser of your fridge. And no, you want your bills whole, not crushed. And you guessed it, SCREW THAT IN!
17. Now, obviously, the only step left is to plug it in. Of course, no worries there, cause if you followed our directions, it will work flawlessly, not a single error. No setup required. Just plug it in, and you've got your jukebox. Start making money!!
This entire episode just made me angry! First, they fool you into thinking you're going to see how these sweet jukeboxes worked back in the 70s and 80s, or, maybe if you're lucky, get to see a CD-based one in action. Nope, on the contrary, for ten whole minutes, you watch this guy grab modular piece after modular piece and screw it in, screw it in, screw it in. The narrator said "screw that in" at least 12 different times. Good thing my knowledge of screwing things in increased so much after watching that, or I'd NEVER be able to build my own jukebox. It wasn't the special power supply, the transformer, the audio mixer, OR the router I was worried about getting and hooking up correctly. It was the screws. Just think of the consequences if I hadn't had a screwdriver nearby!!!!
What a crisis.
Thanks, Discovery, for enlightening me in the ways of screwing in pre-manufactured parts. Now I can practically build a jukebox with my eyes closed! What would I have done without you??
Good thing I already know how to build wireless routers at the 54GHz wavelength, write software to properly run my MP3 server, code my laser-scanning cash reader to accept real money and spit out fake money (or anything with so much as a minute nano-crease on it...and just for kicks, randomly spit out perfectly good money just to piss customers off. And by customers, I mean my wife and kids, and increasingly, myself), solder my own power supply together, and correctly hook it up to the transformer I threw together on my way home from work that effectively distributes the power evenly amongst all the components.
You're a lifesaver, Discovery.
Thanks again!
Yours sincerely,
Screwed Yet Again
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